Episode 33: 'Tis the Preseason

Football season will soon be upon us. Fantasy leagues are drafting. Compulsive gamblers are convincing themselves that this will be the year that their "system" finally pays off. In its annual tradition, the state of Texas has officially forgotten it has two baseball clubs. A mass of hot air is blowing out of Cortland, NY as Fatasaurus Rex Ryan bellows BS to his HBO camera crew. And the New England Patriots are back in Foxborough.

Photo Credit: David Silverman

I'd never worked at Pats' training camp, although I've attended a few times. In fact, that's how I got this job. I was back home, just after graduating college, and looking for part-time work. My buddies and I went to training camp, one of them picked up a pamphlet from TeamOps, I applied, and a few weeks later I'm watching the Pats dismantle the Chargers 38-14 as an usher in section 118.

A few years later, and I'm back at camp, on field and on the other side of the rope. I inadvertantly called that rope "the wire" a few times. I'm reading a book about World War I, so that's why. But I never once said "Enjoy the game," to anyone during camp. I said "Enjoy the practice" about 500 times.

I did around 10 sessions of training camp. My fair/pale/translucent skin survived intact. Thank God for SPF 70. Most of the time it was repetitive and kind of dull. Being on the field isn't as exciting as it sounds. Especially for a practice. I'll describe it this way: it never felt like I wasn't working.

But it wasn't awful, either. There were a few entertaining moments...

At one session, Mr. Brady was one of the last players to arrive on the practice field. When he appeared, the PA system blasted "Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred.

I was working the season ticket-holder night practice. It's basically a normal training camp practice, only held inside the Stadium. I was on the field for that, as well. The D-line were doing their sled drills in my corner, and nearly pushed it into me, which would have seriously wrecked my ankles.

Later that night, during goal-line drills, I was watching the crowd when a brown blur zipped by 2 yards to the right of my skull. It was a football fired by Tom Brady, and was a mere 6 feet from giving me a concussion, and possibly making me a YouTube celebrity. "You see that video of the security guy getting nailed by Brady? He dropped like a bowling pin." I'm glad I work in the stands, and not on the field.

Randy Moss signs tons of autographs. As I said, I worked 10 sessions. After each session, a group of players will sign, based on position. One morning it'll be linebackers, then receivers in the afternoon, then offensive linemen the next day, et cetera. Moss randomly signs of his own volition. A lot. He signed 6 of the 10 sessions I worked.

Photo Credit: David Silverman

Punt returns are crazy. The gunners trying to get to the returner will scream pretty much the entire play. They'll try to startle the him before he catches the ball. "I'm coming mother [expletive]!" They did this trash-talk to the rookie and sophomore players. When Kevin Faulk was the return man, you could hear a pin drop. That's respect.

The Saints came to practice with the Pats for 3 sessions. That was cool, to be on the field with Drew Brees and company. And to watch joint practices, a rarity these days.

Photo Credit: David Silverman

After one of the practices, NFL Network was going to interview Belichick by the field, so we had to make sure that the fans didn't interfere with the shot. This was the ultimate pinnacle of glory for a security guy/Belichick aficionado/film school graduate. I have to admit, I had goosebumps once I knew I'd be standing a few feet from Belichick. Then finding out that Sean Payton would be joining him only made me more excited. But once the Coaches arrived, my nerves settled as I did my job, and tried to look as bored as possible. That's my poker face.

Here's a link to the interview.

At 2:33 you can see my elbow enter the frame from the left. It's that thing whiter than my white shirt. And at 4:02 you can see me climb under the rope to do something else. I don't care about being in the video, but that's how close I was to two of the most highly esteemed coaches in the sporting world. Pretty cool.

Oh, and just before that happened, I had a close encounter with another legend. As I said, there's an autograph signing session after each practice. The designated position group (plus a 60% chance of Randy Moss), will spread out along the sidelines and sign. The people working the field, like myself, carry Sharpies. Because obviously, the players don't have them. So we provide the pen, and then the players can sign for everyone.

I'm standing at the extreme end of the stands as practice concludes. And Tom Brady starts running my way. He's impossible to miss, with the red QB practice kit and the bouncy Justin Bieber haircut. He started signing autographs. I maintained a distant but watchful presence. Then Tom got to someone who had a football to sign, but no pen. "Anyone have a pen I can use?" he asked.

And faster than Clint Eastwood in the Man With No Name Trilogy, I drew my Sharpie, uncapped it, and handed it to Tom Brady.

"Thanks" he said. And with the same right hand that's thrown 225 touchdowns (plus 28 in the playoffs, 7 in Super Bowls), he signed autographs with my Sharpie, which I've been using to chart weight-loss during my current diet.

He probably disposed of the instrument unceremoniously. Or maybe, just maybe, he knows I'm an up and coming writer, and he's enshrined the pen on his mantle, with a plaque reading "Rob Zeitz Wrote With This." Maybe he sold it on eBay.

So that was cool. And to me, that's much cooler than an autograph. I don't see the big deal with autographs, especially for people over 12. I had one fan at camp suggest I casually bump into one of the players while they were on the sideline. "Why would I want to do that? I'm trying to not get hit by these guys."

And that's the truth. During punt and kickoff drills, I'd see the ball spinning in my general direction. I wasn't afraid of the ball hitting me, just the 22 guys that would arrive shortly after the ball did. So I'd casually take a step or two away from the field, and literally stay on my toes.

And it's not the Vince Wilforks you have to be worried about, even though he has 100 pounds on me. It's the DBs, with their speed. Like #24 on the Saints (Leigh Torrence), who was a gunner in a punt drill, got pushed out-of-bounds, and took the liberty of running the length of the field unblocked out-of-bounds behind 80 Patriots lined up on the sideline. He's listed at 5' 11" and 179, which sounds human, but a .22 calibre bullet is still a bullet, even though it's smaller than a .45. And #24 was certainly a bullet. Thankfully, I was well downfield, and aware of him. But he did get close to a few staff, who didn't even know he was near until struck by the wake of air trailing behind him.

Preseason games aren't the same, and not just for the players or fans. There are a lot of families in attendance, a lot of people who know someone with season tickets, who've never or rarely been to the Stadium. It makes for a pretty good crowd, at least from a security standpoint. I ran a response team, and our primary function was to make sure people were standing behind The Red Line that encircles the stands. After just one pass through our sections, and the fans were standing behind the line, even telling new arrivals to stay behind the line. I'll enjoy that while it lasts.

The Pats/Saints preseason game was a fairly quiet night for me. As I mentioned above, we did Red Line duty, and that was essentially done after just one pass. We did have a nice response team moment, when something unexpected to do quickly springs up. We had a new employee with us, and I kept harping about how much I love doing response teams because the routine is unroutine.

There were a few dozen former Patriots attending the game, in conjunction with Sam "Bam" Cunningham's induction into the Patriots' Hall of Fame. Our team and another team were to line the steps of an aisle as the alumni walked down and eventually onto the field. And of course, the other team gets called to help an usher supervisor with something 10 sections away. So it's just my team, supplemented by some ushers who got thrown into the mix.

It was uneventful, but I did have to go up and down all 38 rows about half a dozen times, quickly briefing my staff and the ushers about what was going on. Telling them to direct traffic up/down only the right side of the aisle, and to keep the left side clear for the players.

That was the only memorable or notable part of my first Patriots game as a supervisor. Which is good, because CountryFest looms on the horizon, and I'm sure we'll be slightly busier.